Hi folks!
This is mainly for comedians on Twitter.
If you have been following me on Twitter for over a month you have probably noticed that I have been Retweeting a lot more. A LOT MORE. And I'm going to try and explain why.
Short answer: I"m building a fan base. Long answer: See below.
When I first started on Twitter 3 years ago I would check it once every couple of weeks. I would say, "I'm doing a show in Gananoque - come on out!". Because I barely did any research on this I didn't realize that I was tweeting this to two people. Way to market Brian. So I caught on after a bit that I needed followers.
I remember getting my first Retweet - it was for a random joke I wrote on there. That retweet got me about 10 followers. I was in BUSINESS. I then had 12. Anyway, this would continue over a couple of years.
I originally aimed to keep my following count low. That's the cool thing to do - have a million people follow you and you are following 10 people. It makes you look like a star. Well guess what - I'm not a star so that is MUCH more difficult. So that wasn't really an option for me. In April of this year I was following 100 people and had 400 followers. I wanted more so I looked at other twitter people to see what they were doing.
Rob Delaney (@robdelaney) is an example of someone who is successful comedian because of his tweets. He has over 500,000 followers, sells out a lot of his shows just by his marketing online. Free marketing. So I started to take his approach. Just write jokes - no need to pour out any sort of useless information. Just write jokes. They could be stupid, clever, punny, over-the-top, sick - just write them. Put them out there and see what happens.
Now, I started writing jokes. The only thing that I didn't like is that I would write a joke, it may get retweeted or "starred" (similiar to the 'Like' option on Facebook) but then they would disappear. My joke would be gone and never seen again. I thought it was funny and I wanted people to see it, so what could I do?
So what I started doing was going through my own tweets, taking the ones I liked best, and made it into a book. I call it a coffee table book but it's mainly a bathroom reader. I sell them after fundraising shows and I mainly just give them away at a comedy club. I also give them away to any follower that would like on on Twitter. I'll pay my own postage and send it off - it's a write-off at the end of the year anyway. Those worked out pretty well and I was up to 580 followers on June 24th - I remember this because I was sitting with Darryl Purvis at the Absolute condo in Toronto going, "Woohoo - 580 followers!!!" I then told him my plan of having 800 by December. Well, I didn't really have a plan, I was just doing weird math in my head.
Then, I learned about retweeting. Literally about a month and a half ago. I wrote a tweet 22 days ago saying I was approaching 1,000 followers. Yesterday? I just reached 2,000. So it took a couple of years to reach the 1,000 marker, and 3 weeks to reach 2,000.
I don't know if this is boring or not by the way - I'm just writing. Anyway, if you are a comedian that is looking to get followers here is what I have started to do. I'm not saying I'll be doing this forever mind you - but it's helped out greatly.
What I've Learned:
1. Go on to www.favstar.fm and sign up. I pay for the additional bonus features ($30 for 6 months) which allows you to give trophies to people - one per day. I had no clue what this was until a few weeks ago. Mainly what happens is that you give a trophy to someone and they'll retweet you quite a few times back as a thank you for the trophy. It sounds silly, but that's what happens. Sometimes people don't - it's at their own discretion of what they do, but you can see how they handle getting trophies from other people and if they retweet a person a lot, they'll probably do the same to you. If I receive a trophy? Damn right I'm retweeting them back. It's actually fun.
What FavStar mainly does is store your "Best Of" and your most recent tweets. Here is mine: http://favstar.fm/users/Brianhopecomedy
So if you want to see what the person has written before, you can go in there and take a look.
2. Don't use hashtags on every single joke. Not really needed. Obviously if you want a trend going then it's OK but if you write a good joke and use a hashtag then some people don't retweet it. I don't know why - it's just frowned upon.
3. Don't just promote shows. If you are on Twitter just promoting shows it's kind of counter-productive. Your tweets ARE you promotion. I try and keep it as an online comedy show. And yes, some tweets bomb.
I've had people from all over Canada and the US asking me where I'm playing next. It's humbling in that respect - I'm not bragging, it's just actually happening. So I know that if I have a show in Toronto, I can send out a tweet and it'll most likely draw in people. Hell, it was when I had 500 followers.
4. Don't be afraid to Retweet people and to follow some people back.
I received a tweet after a show in Toronto from Michelle Kogan (@politicophile) saying something like, "Saw Brian Hope's show and he is my new favourite comedian" (I probably paraphrased this for the better). Seriously, that doesn't happen too often. How could you not follow after that? Why would you not? And she's got a funny timeline as well so that's a good bonus.
I do bulk retweeting for the most part and I've found that helps out other people. What I mean by this - is that instead of just retweeting one of their jokes, I'll retweet 4 or 5 at a time. What it does is it gives a good sample of what the person is like and whether you'd want to follow them or not. People did it to me, so I am paying it forward.
I have lost a few followers because of doing that BUT it's helped other people get followers so it kind of works out in a weird way. I've had a few comedians unfollow me, which before I would have been going, "Why?", but everyone uses Twitter a different way so I understand now. Plus, other comedians aren't really the demographic I'm aiming for - I want people following me that will come out and see my show eventually.
Oh, and I've learned that there is an option in Settings to turn off seeing someone's retweets. fyi. Many people pointed this out to me.
Anyway, I'm not saying you should do this. Everyone does it their own way. But this is what I'm doing. GO SENS GO.
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Joke Thievery via Social Media
I have noticed this trend for a while now - joke stealing via youtube, facebook or twitter. For those of you who don't really understand what a joke thief is....it's pretty self-explanatory.
Comedians have their thoughts and they deliver them onstage. Many hope to make it "big" and become the next Louis CK (and if you don't know who that is then please stop reading this blog) with original material and make it as a touring comedian or get on tv. Some people like to take shortcuts with this though and take material that they have heard or read and either deliver it as their own or try and get a following on facebook or twitter by posting a joke they just heard and presenting it as their own.
I am one of the few "comedy police" and I have caught a few people doing this over the past couple of years. I saw a guy post two jokes on twitter that he heard from the comedy club the night before and post this as his own on Twitter. I let him know that it was not his joke and I alerted the comedian who's joke it was as well. Now - regular folk do this and there's not really much you can do about it. BUT this was another comedian posting this - and that is unacceptable. I caught the guy doing it again as he saw a comic a couple weeks ago at the club from the US, and I just happened to work with him and know his material, so I sent him another message letting him know to stop. His action was to unfollow me on twitter and defriend me on facebook. The only thing I could do was to send a tweet to ask comedians to keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't doing it again.
The joke stealing will get worse - especially on Twitter. It would be so easy for someone to click on a hashtag (ie #disappointingactionmovies) and just write down all of the punchlines that are written on this, take the best ones, and write a joke about it. You have thousands of people trying to be funny on this hashtag and I KNOW there will be people there to take advantage of this.
Comedy Police has no authority. We cannot make arrests. I'm not really in the "comedy circle" that alot of guys are. I live in Kingston so I'm not even in the main city (Toronto) so all I can really do is just post on people's status updates and let them know that they have taken something that is not theirs. There's nothing else really to do. I could go ahead and post a guy's name on my blog and say "watch out for this guy" but that would just alert the two people reading my blog and that would also make me look like a jerk.
I was talking to a comedian and he said, "you shouldn't be posting your bits online anyway" (and he also said that he was guilty of posting someone else's status as his own and didn't see what the problem was). I can't speak for everyone but I don't post "bits" on Twitter or Facebook. They are just thoughts - and some are pretty funny. That's how you kind of build a mini fan-base. So if someone takes my Tweet, and instead of retweeting it and just reposting as his own, he is taking my thought and saying it is his. That, in a word, is stealing. You have to give the guy who wrote it recognition.
I have spoken to a few people about this but I get the feeling that I might be one of the only ones that thinks this is bad. Maybe it's that paranoia thing again (and no - still haven't heard from my buddy) and most importantly - maybe some comedians just don't care. I know some do of course. There are other "comedy police" out there that are trying to keep the integrity of stand-up comedy in check.
It's only a matter of time before someone makes it big by calling himself "Larry the Hashtag Guy".
Oh - and for the record - I think it's terrible to tell a "street joke" on stage. I have had this debate before where a comic said, "You have to do what it takes to keep them laughing. If your closing joke doesn't work - tell a street joke". My thought of this is - if you couldn't keep them laughing with your own material - maybe you shouldn't have been on that show. There are some audiences that are bad of course - but if the ship is sinking just go down with it and have a little pride.
Here's something from Patton Oswalt's site from when he had some material stolen from him: http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=143
I have noticed this trend for a while now - joke stealing via youtube, facebook or twitter. For those of you who don't really understand what a joke thief is....it's pretty self-explanatory.
Comedians have their thoughts and they deliver them onstage. Many hope to make it "big" and become the next Louis CK (and if you don't know who that is then please stop reading this blog) with original material and make it as a touring comedian or get on tv. Some people like to take shortcuts with this though and take material that they have heard or read and either deliver it as their own or try and get a following on facebook or twitter by posting a joke they just heard and presenting it as their own.
I am one of the few "comedy police" and I have caught a few people doing this over the past couple of years. I saw a guy post two jokes on twitter that he heard from the comedy club the night before and post this as his own on Twitter. I let him know that it was not his joke and I alerted the comedian who's joke it was as well. Now - regular folk do this and there's not really much you can do about it. BUT this was another comedian posting this - and that is unacceptable. I caught the guy doing it again as he saw a comic a couple weeks ago at the club from the US, and I just happened to work with him and know his material, so I sent him another message letting him know to stop. His action was to unfollow me on twitter and defriend me on facebook. The only thing I could do was to send a tweet to ask comedians to keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't doing it again.
The joke stealing will get worse - especially on Twitter. It would be so easy for someone to click on a hashtag (ie #disappointingactionmovies) and just write down all of the punchlines that are written on this, take the best ones, and write a joke about it. You have thousands of people trying to be funny on this hashtag and I KNOW there will be people there to take advantage of this.
Comedy Police has no authority. We cannot make arrests. I'm not really in the "comedy circle" that alot of guys are. I live in Kingston so I'm not even in the main city (Toronto) so all I can really do is just post on people's status updates and let them know that they have taken something that is not theirs. There's nothing else really to do. I could go ahead and post a guy's name on my blog and say "watch out for this guy" but that would just alert the two people reading my blog and that would also make me look like a jerk.
I was talking to a comedian and he said, "you shouldn't be posting your bits online anyway" (and he also said that he was guilty of posting someone else's status as his own and didn't see what the problem was). I can't speak for everyone but I don't post "bits" on Twitter or Facebook. They are just thoughts - and some are pretty funny. That's how you kind of build a mini fan-base. So if someone takes my Tweet, and instead of retweeting it and just reposting as his own, he is taking my thought and saying it is his. That, in a word, is stealing. You have to give the guy who wrote it recognition.
I have spoken to a few people about this but I get the feeling that I might be one of the only ones that thinks this is bad. Maybe it's that paranoia thing again (and no - still haven't heard from my buddy) and most importantly - maybe some comedians just don't care. I know some do of course. There are other "comedy police" out there that are trying to keep the integrity of stand-up comedy in check.
It's only a matter of time before someone makes it big by calling himself "Larry the Hashtag Guy".
Oh - and for the record - I think it's terrible to tell a "street joke" on stage. I have had this debate before where a comic said, "You have to do what it takes to keep them laughing. If your closing joke doesn't work - tell a street joke". My thought of this is - if you couldn't keep them laughing with your own material - maybe you shouldn't have been on that show. There are some audiences that are bad of course - but if the ship is sinking just go down with it and have a little pride.
Here's something from Patton Oswalt's site from when he had some material stolen from him: http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=143
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I just heard that they canceled the first two weeks of the basketball season. Well that's....ok, I tried. But I couldn't care less. One sport I could never get into.
My favourite sports go:
1. Baseball
2. Hockey
3. NFL
4. Nothing
My bottom two are definitely soccer and basketball and it's interchangeable which one is on the bottom. Really, it's whatever is on tv is worse. So if I flick on the tv and it's Soccer Saturday - it drops to the bottom of my list.
The baseball playoffs are on right now but with two kids we are trying to get as much sleep as possible so I've missed the endings of most games. Caught the grand slam by Nelson Cruz last night which would have been great if I was cheering for the Rangers. To be fair I more or less just pick a team and I don't really care who wins the World Series now as Toronto's not in and neither is San Fran. I'm also a closet Yankees AND Red Sox fan - so that should show my lack of devotion.
My favourite sports go:
1. Baseball
2. Hockey
3. NFL
4. Nothing
My bottom two are definitely soccer and basketball and it's interchangeable which one is on the bottom. Really, it's whatever is on tv is worse. So if I flick on the tv and it's Soccer Saturday - it drops to the bottom of my list.
The baseball playoffs are on right now but with two kids we are trying to get as much sleep as possible so I've missed the endings of most games. Caught the grand slam by Nelson Cruz last night which would have been great if I was cheering for the Rangers. To be fair I more or less just pick a team and I don't really care who wins the World Series now as Toronto's not in and neither is San Fran. I'm also a closet Yankees AND Red Sox fan - so that should show my lack of devotion.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Unfriending is the new thing
I've been defriended on facebook and unfollowed on Twitter twice for something that I had said in separate occasions.
The first one was in August and about this:
We went to Dave Paterson's wedding in August. Most everyone was there on time for the wedding with the exception of 4 people that we could count. Todd Van Allen and his girlfriend Agata along with David T. with his girlfriend.
They missed the entire ceremony. Now, that doesn't sound too bad. Preferably, if I was given the choice to go to a wedding and then have a meal afterwards or just have the meal afterwards - I'd probably just choose the latter. I'm sure most people would. The problem was that Todd was the MC of the wedding - so typically the MC shows up for the ceremony portion. He also had the video camera to record the wedding....so that was also just a wee bit of an issue.
They showed up afterwards and no one really looked happy. Of course - when you approach comedians you're really not going to get much sympathy. David & his girlfriend made Todd & Agata late because....well.....we don't know. David said that it was his fault and his girlfriend blamed him too but we never got a story. No story? No sympathy. Quite funny actually - but after seeing Agata and that she was upset about missing the ceremony Jason Blanchard, Andrew Evans and I turned it into a bit of a "roast David T." night.
It was all in good fun. Any chance we had we took a verbal jab at Mr. T. He was not taking it very well whatsoever. Our thoughts were, "it's your fault, you upset one of our friends, man up and take it for a night". Our jokes were about missing or being late for the wedding - all directed at Mr. T. I admit that it must have been a bit much as it went on for 7 hours (well - 6 hours as he missed the first hour - remember?).
The icing on the cake was when Todd turned to our table during the dinner as he was MC and announced our table to everyone saying something like, "here are the stars of Canadian comedy - you won't recognize a single one from TV". To which I replied "Some you won't even recognize from the ceremony".
Anyhoo - I guess this kept Mr. T. mad so he kept drinking and he was talking during all of the speeches so.....we continued this afterwards.
To make a long story less long - by the end of the night Mr. T. said that he was going to slash our tires and punch me in the face. In which I thought he was joking. Apparently he wasn't.
At around 1:30am, when Kathleen (my wife for you new readers - or reader I should say) and I were already back in our hotel room (we have two kids - we NEED sleep) he sent me a Facebook message apologizing and saying that he would never take a swing at someone. He also sent one to Kathleen apologizing as she was there the whole time as well. We laughed and went to sleep - it was a fun wedding.
That was Saturday night. On Monday I get a call from Mr. T and he told me that he actually WAS going to punch me. Now - I still don't actually believe this. He doesn't look like a fighter. If he did take a swing though he would have knocked me flat on my ass because I definitely wouldn't have expected it. Plus - I'm not a fighter either and I would most likely lose (I've got this weird fear of losing my two front teeth).
He was looking for an apology for what I said on the weekend. I let him know that I wouldn't apologize as he made one of the bride & groom's friends miss the wedding. Our jokes (wasn't just me remember - Andrew & Jason too - although I'm sure he didn't send an e-mail saying he was going to punch Jason or we would only refer to Mr. T. in the past tense) lightened the mood and if he had to take a few jokes in order to make this happen - so be it.
I even said "what are you going to do - defriend me on facebook and unfollow me on twitter?". And guess what happened.
I don't take offense to this - it's just a funny new thing with social media. "YOU'RE NO LONGER MY FACEBOOK FRIEND". Ahhh! I guess when Facebook reconnects you with everyone from high school you forget that you've actually grown up.
I've been defriended on facebook and unfollowed on Twitter twice for something that I had said in separate occasions.
The first one was in August and about this:
We went to Dave Paterson's wedding in August. Most everyone was there on time for the wedding with the exception of 4 people that we could count. Todd Van Allen and his girlfriend Agata along with David T. with his girlfriend.
They missed the entire ceremony. Now, that doesn't sound too bad. Preferably, if I was given the choice to go to a wedding and then have a meal afterwards or just have the meal afterwards - I'd probably just choose the latter. I'm sure most people would. The problem was that Todd was the MC of the wedding - so typically the MC shows up for the ceremony portion. He also had the video camera to record the wedding....so that was also just a wee bit of an issue.
They showed up afterwards and no one really looked happy. Of course - when you approach comedians you're really not going to get much sympathy. David & his girlfriend made Todd & Agata late because....well.....we don't know. David said that it was his fault and his girlfriend blamed him too but we never got a story. No story? No sympathy. Quite funny actually - but after seeing Agata and that she was upset about missing the ceremony Jason Blanchard, Andrew Evans and I turned it into a bit of a "roast David T." night.
It was all in good fun. Any chance we had we took a verbal jab at Mr. T. He was not taking it very well whatsoever. Our thoughts were, "it's your fault, you upset one of our friends, man up and take it for a night". Our jokes were about missing or being late for the wedding - all directed at Mr. T. I admit that it must have been a bit much as it went on for 7 hours (well - 6 hours as he missed the first hour - remember?).
The icing on the cake was when Todd turned to our table during the dinner as he was MC and announced our table to everyone saying something like, "here are the stars of Canadian comedy - you won't recognize a single one from TV". To which I replied "Some you won't even recognize from the ceremony".
Anyhoo - I guess this kept Mr. T. mad so he kept drinking and he was talking during all of the speeches so.....we continued this afterwards.
To make a long story less long - by the end of the night Mr. T. said that he was going to slash our tires and punch me in the face. In which I thought he was joking. Apparently he wasn't.
At around 1:30am, when Kathleen (my wife for you new readers - or reader I should say) and I were already back in our hotel room (we have two kids - we NEED sleep) he sent me a Facebook message apologizing and saying that he would never take a swing at someone. He also sent one to Kathleen apologizing as she was there the whole time as well. We laughed and went to sleep - it was a fun wedding.
That was Saturday night. On Monday I get a call from Mr. T and he told me that he actually WAS going to punch me. Now - I still don't actually believe this. He doesn't look like a fighter. If he did take a swing though he would have knocked me flat on my ass because I definitely wouldn't have expected it. Plus - I'm not a fighter either and I would most likely lose (I've got this weird fear of losing my two front teeth).
He was looking for an apology for what I said on the weekend. I let him know that I wouldn't apologize as he made one of the bride & groom's friends miss the wedding. Our jokes (wasn't just me remember - Andrew & Jason too - although I'm sure he didn't send an e-mail saying he was going to punch Jason or we would only refer to Mr. T. in the past tense) lightened the mood and if he had to take a few jokes in order to make this happen - so be it.
I even said "what are you going to do - defriend me on facebook and unfollow me on twitter?". And guess what happened.
I don't take offense to this - it's just a funny new thing with social media. "YOU'RE NO LONGER MY FACEBOOK FRIEND". Ahhh! I guess when Facebook reconnects you with everyone from high school you forget that you've actually grown up.
Sunday, October 09, 2011
October 9, 2011
So I'm not sure. Either my buddy is suffering from Depression or I am suffering from paranoia but I think I'm right.
This is a really strange situation that I'm in right now - a whole new realm of where I really don't know what to do. I've known this guy for 7 years. I know him very well and my closest buddy when it comes to comedy.
We had done many shows together and he is a great comic. He used to have a full-time job but got laid off a couple of years ago and he hasn't really been the same since. I think this is when I first started to notice this.
Since he got laid off he more or less kept to himself. He doesn't go out too much and he stays in his apartment. He'll show up at the odd comedy show and he will go out for some errands but other than that he is at home.
He has not gotten a new job so he mostly makes his money off of comedy. Most....a couple of years ago he started doing medical studies where he would show up at a clinic, they'd strap him to an iv while he takes pills and they monitor him and others. It's sad but some people do this to make some cash. It's a quick way to make a buck but certainly not the healthiest.
And I think that is what has really brought out his Depression. He would not respond to emails or voicemails for a week at a time. He doesn't keep in contact with his close friends. I'm not sure what he does - he has a vague excuse, apologizes, says it won't happen again - and then it does.
It's been a month since I've last heard from him. Not only is a he a friend - he was my business partner too so we typically kept in touch. A month. I hacked into his e-mail (as I received a couple of phone calls from people that were looking for him - not just random neurotic) and I saw that he hadn't checked his e-mails in 3 weeks (at that time - not it's 4) which I found odd as the first email that he hadn't read was from me continuing a normal conversation for that day.
Now - I know he's alive. That was priority one - to find that out. He was randomly spotted at a comedy show a week and a half ago. So he is around - not checking e-mail or his phone or responding to anyone. This is definitely not behavior from the guy that I know.
My problem is that there are really only two guys that care about him - me, who lives 3 hours away driving, and another guy who moved to England. His family doesn't live in the same province so there's really no one to check on him anymore.
We've sat him down for a mini-intervention before but that didn't work and now that no one's around we have no way of knowing how he's doing. This is just a nutty situation and I'm mostly typing this to see if I can figure out what to do.
Of course - if he sends me an e-mail saying that he was getting help for the past month hence the non-response then I'll feel like an idiot. I'd still be correct though.
And then Sens suck really bad this year.
This is a really strange situation that I'm in right now - a whole new realm of where I really don't know what to do. I've known this guy for 7 years. I know him very well and my closest buddy when it comes to comedy.
We had done many shows together and he is a great comic. He used to have a full-time job but got laid off a couple of years ago and he hasn't really been the same since. I think this is when I first started to notice this.
Since he got laid off he more or less kept to himself. He doesn't go out too much and he stays in his apartment. He'll show up at the odd comedy show and he will go out for some errands but other than that he is at home.
He has not gotten a new job so he mostly makes his money off of comedy. Most....a couple of years ago he started doing medical studies where he would show up at a clinic, they'd strap him to an iv while he takes pills and they monitor him and others. It's sad but some people do this to make some cash. It's a quick way to make a buck but certainly not the healthiest.
And I think that is what has really brought out his Depression. He would not respond to emails or voicemails for a week at a time. He doesn't keep in contact with his close friends. I'm not sure what he does - he has a vague excuse, apologizes, says it won't happen again - and then it does.
It's been a month since I've last heard from him. Not only is a he a friend - he was my business partner too so we typically kept in touch. A month. I hacked into his e-mail (as I received a couple of phone calls from people that were looking for him - not just random neurotic) and I saw that he hadn't checked his e-mails in 3 weeks (at that time - not it's 4) which I found odd as the first email that he hadn't read was from me continuing a normal conversation for that day.
Now - I know he's alive. That was priority one - to find that out. He was randomly spotted at a comedy show a week and a half ago. So he is around - not checking e-mail or his phone or responding to anyone. This is definitely not behavior from the guy that I know.
My problem is that there are really only two guys that care about him - me, who lives 3 hours away driving, and another guy who moved to England. His family doesn't live in the same province so there's really no one to check on him anymore.
We've sat him down for a mini-intervention before but that didn't work and now that no one's around we have no way of knowing how he's doing. This is just a nutty situation and I'm mostly typing this to see if I can figure out what to do.
Of course - if he sends me an e-mail saying that he was getting help for the past month hence the non-response then I'll feel like an idiot. I'd still be correct though.
And then Sens suck really bad this year.
Monday, August 15, 2011
So.....
Comedians can't take a joke. For the first time that I know of someone has defriended me on facebook and unfollowed me on twitter.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Favourite quote
"it's better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6".
Those are words to live by.
www.brianhopecomedy.com
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Dear Beer,
We've known eachother for 15 or 16 years. You've been with me through the best of times, the worst of times, the regular of times, the most boring of times.
You helped me make rash decisions on whether I wanted McDonald's at 2am. You always wanted it so I always gave it to you. I don't know why you always wanted a Junior Chicken, a Double Cheeseburger with no pickles and a chocolate shake - but you did.
You've been with me throughout all celebrations in my adult life. Like when I got married. When I heard Kathleen was pregnant. When the Sens made it to the Cup Finals. When I was forced to watch soccer.
But Beer, you haven't been very good to me. I gained a lot of weight when I was with you and I didn't appreciate that. You did it while I was laughing and having a good time so I didn't notice. Not until someone mistook me for one of my buddies who is much bigger than me - and that did it.
That was 3 years ago beer - and while I worked really hard in losing the weight that you gave me I have now reached a plateau. I've lost over 40 pounds and I need to lose 10 more pounds - JUST 10 - but you won't let me do it. You keep saying "Hey - let's go out and get some wings!" - and I would succumb to your peer pressure.
But not anymore Beer. Not anymore.
I've been without you for over 6 weeks now and I'm not coming back. I originally said that I wanted to be away from you for a year - but I'm just leaving you for good. And no, I'm not going to start cheating on you with Rum - I don't drink those drinks. You were my one and only.
Please change your Facebook status from "It's Complicated" to "Single" as I ain't coming back.
And yes, I'll be writing Crack an e-mail in the next few months.
We've known eachother for 15 or 16 years. You've been with me through the best of times, the worst of times, the regular of times, the most boring of times.
You helped me make rash decisions on whether I wanted McDonald's at 2am. You always wanted it so I always gave it to you. I don't know why you always wanted a Junior Chicken, a Double Cheeseburger with no pickles and a chocolate shake - but you did.
You've been with me throughout all celebrations in my adult life. Like when I got married. When I heard Kathleen was pregnant. When the Sens made it to the Cup Finals. When I was forced to watch soccer.
But Beer, you haven't been very good to me. I gained a lot of weight when I was with you and I didn't appreciate that. You did it while I was laughing and having a good time so I didn't notice. Not until someone mistook me for one of my buddies who is much bigger than me - and that did it.
That was 3 years ago beer - and while I worked really hard in losing the weight that you gave me I have now reached a plateau. I've lost over 40 pounds and I need to lose 10 more pounds - JUST 10 - but you won't let me do it. You keep saying "Hey - let's go out and get some wings!" - and I would succumb to your peer pressure.
But not anymore Beer. Not anymore.
I've been without you for over 6 weeks now and I'm not coming back. I originally said that I wanted to be away from you for a year - but I'm just leaving you for good. And no, I'm not going to start cheating on you with Rum - I don't drink those drinks. You were my one and only.
Please change your Facebook status from "It's Complicated" to "Single" as I ain't coming back.
And yes, I'll be writing Crack an e-mail in the next few months.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Day 15
No beer. And someone has "borrowed" a punchline to one of my bits. Wrong week to do that.
www.brianhopecomedy.com
www.brianhopecomedy.com
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Day 3 of no smoking
And no drinking. The only reason I am cutting out alcohol as typically when you try and quit smoking you gain weight. So I might as well stay away from beer for a while.
So if you see me eating McDonald's with a beer and a smoke then you may be witnessing a full meltdown.
www.brianhopecomedy.com
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