Ethan Daniel Greenway Hope is born!
Here's the story:
So...sitting at work and my wife Kathleen calls letting me know she's not feeling well - has cramps. I ask her if she wants me to come home. She says no - it's not labour - just really bad pains. Please note - I am not the smartest man - so I say okay, no problem.
I get home around 5:30pm and she is in PAIN. Having these pains every minute or so. Which, having watched one video on "Laugh and Learn About Childbirth" (oooohhhh, the laughing that ensued after watching this video - from a comedian's perspective....not funny) I learned that I should time these pains. I personally thought they were contractions and I asked if we should go to the hospital. Kat and I agreed that since it's our first baby - how could it arrive early? She went to the doctor on Monday and he said that she's not ready yet.
So, we went in our little handbook, called the Triage nurse, and she said that these are pre-labour pains and that she's not in labour. Now that I think about it we could have been talking to a custodian who's last Hurrah was to screw with the patients.
Kathleen goes to the washroom - only place she's comfortable. I, as being a caring husband for my future child, ate mini-eggs and watched the Sens lose horribly to the Sabres. Mmmmm, mini-eggs. Me likes them.
At around 10pm I let Kat know that I was going to bed. This is normal as she can't sleep in the bed as it's uncomfortable so she's been sleeping on the couch. I kept my cell phone by my side in case she needed a drink of water or something. So here's me, 10:00PM, falling asleep to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. Oh yes, sweet dreams happen after you watch this show.
12:08AM. Cell phone rings. It's Kat. "I can feel the baby's head! The baby's coming!!!!" This is said with crying and screaming. Normally, I would make a comment like "So...no hello? No 'how are you?'" But, in order to keep my life, I dropped the phone and ran downstairs. And yes, the BABY WAS COMING. I went from being dead asleep to attempting to deliver a baby. These are the dreams I usually have after falling asleep to SVU ironically.
12:10AM. I call 911. They tell me to lie her down and all that jazz - make a makeshift delivery area with towels and blankets. Kat's been bugging me for two weeks to change the bed sheets in our bedroom, and since she hasn't been sleeping in there, I haven't changed them. I decided to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and grab those sheets.
While I'm talking to the operator I now realize that this would be the only time that it would be appropriate to use a bluetooth headset and not look like an idiot. The operator lets me know that due to the snowstorm the ambulance is 25 minutes away. PERFECT. Firetrucks and police will be here shortly.
I won't go into the nitty gritty but the lady on the phone asked if I could see the head. I said I didn't know - I saw something - felt like a head - or maybe a deformed butt. Kat's screaming, I'm in a wee bit of a panic mode - then the 911 operator let me know that the firemen have arrived. These guys came in - calm, cool, and collective, and took over. A policewoman came in and the 911 operator asked me to give the phone to her so I can support Kat when she's giving birth.
I am VERY happy that I cut my hair on the weekend so Kat didn't have anything to pull. She called me names that we'll have to discuss over dinner at a later date and that are probably not appropriate for the blog. I was sitting behind her head (oh, and we looked like the coolest couple - because I was wearing my gym clothes WITH black socks and she had no pants) and she was using my triceps as stress balls. Comfortable - but I can't really complain about this as she's probably in a bit more pain. Probably.
The paramedics say that they'll have to get her to a Hospital. Now the heart starts pumping as I'm thinking there's something wrong. The ambulance is full so the policewoman asked if I wanted a ride with her. I said no as I'll drive my car. She said I could follow her. Easy, right? Perfect plan?
I run up, grab all the stuff that we need for the delivery room for when Ethan is born, come back down, lock the door, turn around - police car is gone. Didn't wait for me to follow. I think - well, I'll follow the ambulance as it's sitting right there. Not a problem. Right? Wrong. I wipe off the car, wait for the ambulance to leave. It's not moving. I'm wondering what's going on in there so I run up to the ambulance and look inside. THE AMBULANCE IS RUNNING BUT NO ONE'S IN THE FREAKING THING! I've been duped!!
Side note: When I thought about it after I left, the neighbors probably think I committed a horrible crime. As Kat was lying down in our front hallway she was screaming louder than I've ever heard someone scream before. Then the police show up with the firetruck and the ambulance. I'm thinking of putting up yellow caution tape around my house tomorrow just to keep the rumours going.
So, I go to drive to the hospital. It's Trillium, not William Osler which is the one we were supposed to go to. I've never been to Trillium but the guy said that it was at Hurontario and Queensway. Okay....so I'll drive around and look for the Hospital. Cuz I've got a lot of time. Yup. I go to phone 411 to get the exact address - and then realized that the policewoman still has my phone. Is this possible? Did this happen? Do I now have no way to contact family and all that about the baby? What if Kat is trying to call me? I'm thinking that I'm a dead man driving. So....I turn the car around, get Kat's phone from the house, and start phoning my phone because now I can actually have contact with the people who have Kat. IF they pick up the phone. Which they didn't the first 5 times.
Finally, someone picks up.
"Hello?"
"Hi yes, you have my cell phone. How is Kathleen doing?"
"Who's this?" Who's this.....REALLY????? 1AM, you're answering MY PHONE, and you're asking who it is? Who do you think it is?????? Is what I wanted to say with a couple more curses....
"Uhhh, the husband (they never got my name - kept on calling me Dad which I didn't catch on to right away. In the midst of Kat's expletives she managed to say that they're talking to me). You are talking on my phone."
"Oh - she's in Emergency right now - no word yet". Jesus. What the hell does that mean?
So, I call my parents, let them know the baby is coming.
I call my mother-in-law to let her know the same thing. I get a call on the other line - it's the paramedic who now has my phone and he let me know that the baby was born! In Emergency at Trillium at 12:59AM. I was at Hurontario and Dundas at the time so I was pretty close to seeing him born (although I did see his head before anyone else).
So, to make a long story long. I was woken up at midnight and in less than an hour I was a Dad, two weeks before I expected to be. Tis a great feeling. The nurse told me that for our next baby (if there is) that we should come in when she is feeling those pains again. NO SHIT.
Kat was a real trooper - I don't know how she put up with the pain. Ethan's a healthy boy and I look forward to when he can fetch me beer.
