Dear Beer,
We've known eachother for 15 or 16 years. You've been with me through the best of times, the worst of times, the regular of times, the most boring of times.
You helped me make rash decisions on whether I wanted McDonald's at 2am. You always wanted it so I always gave it to you. I don't know why you always wanted a Junior Chicken, a Double Cheeseburger with no pickles and a chocolate shake - but you did.
You've been with me throughout all celebrations in my adult life. Like when I got married. When I heard Kathleen was pregnant. When the Sens made it to the Cup Finals. When I was forced to watch soccer.
But Beer, you haven't been very good to me. I gained a lot of weight when I was with you and I didn't appreciate that. You did it while I was laughing and having a good time so I didn't notice. Not until someone mistook me for one of my buddies who is much bigger than me - and that did it.
That was 3 years ago beer - and while I worked really hard in losing the weight that you gave me I have now reached a plateau. I've lost over 40 pounds and I need to lose 10 more pounds - JUST 10 - but you won't let me do it. You keep saying "Hey - let's go out and get some wings!" - and I would succumb to your peer pressure.
But not anymore Beer. Not anymore.
I've been without you for over 6 weeks now and I'm not coming back. I originally said that I wanted to be away from you for a year - but I'm just leaving you for good. And no, I'm not going to start cheating on you with Rum - I don't drink those drinks. You were my one and only.
Please change your Facebook status from "It's Complicated" to "Single" as I ain't coming back.
And yes, I'll be writing Crack an e-mail in the next few months.
